The weirdest, most bizarre things I’ve ever been through

Sunday I went on a day date of sorts with a weirdo. At this point in my dating “career” I’m just enjoying free food and a good laugh and not taking dating so seriously. I’m in a little triangle of sorts and just want to see where it takes me.

So anyway, a random ginger messaged me on OKCupid and his message was too funny to pass up.

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See? I mean who says something like that! It was so creative I had to see what this guy is all about. So after some light conversation and what not we decided to go for breakfast after my run. I picked a place close by my house (walking distance) and we had bagels and stuff.

The conversation was weird. He kept telling me about all these train wrecks he went on dates with. One girl he said asked him to buy a pregnancy test for her and if it came out true, would he be the baby father… I hope he was making this shit up because that’s just RATCHET.

SO if that wasn’t bad enough, he starts trying to take pictures of me! And showed me his wallpaper which was a picture of myself. Who the fuck does that?!

You’d think that by this time I would’ve ran away. No. I just had to complete this date-if only to get a good story. So we decided to walking in Bethesda. We went into a book store and just ambled around for a while. Then back to Rockville where we went to Matchbox for some pizza. Boy was that pizza good!

Anyway he proceeds to tell me more stories about girls that he’s dated. He told me that one of the girls reminded his sister of I Love New York (Tiffany Pollard, or whatever her name is). Um, that’s NOT a good thing. She’s ratchet before we started saying ratchet. And then he told me about some other random girl he would blow off work for because she loves being in the club all the time… And then they would go to the mall. At this point I said, “you seem to like a lot of low quality women”. He seemed to love the crazies as well. I was too normal for him.

OMG I didn’t even get on his car!!! It was a fucking mess. There were m and ms in the seat. There was something spilt all over the middle part that had been there for AGES! It was disgusting. From the video he sent me I could tell his house was just as messy as his damn car. It was a disaster needless to say.

Where do people like him come from? Check back for the videos he sent me. I’ll try and post them soon!

xo LB the ego

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Thank you!

I love the people that stop by and leave comments about how they hated what they read… You read it. And commented. I still won.

xo LaBreaB

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The Experiment: Another Update

So anyway, I have been M.I.A because I have been transitioning into a new job and just dealing with LIFE in general. To the person who wrote on my blog doubting that I would get the job. I did, so thank you for all your doubt. Anyway, in my last post I talked about a time with my ex. I have been scaling back on the online dating a little because I want to see what is going on in CREB and Napoleon department. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, so there is a reason why he is back in my life and I am going to figure that out. 

A couple of weeks ago I got an message from a guy who wanted to meet up. Now, I realize that most of the people on the site typically want to just hook up, but I would like to think that there is someone on there that is a good guy. Anyway, this guy kept trying to get me to go to his house. Im sorry, I do not care how cute you are, I have to meet you in a public place first. So last night he just said to me, “I am just trying to have sex with you and then probably not talk to you again” I literally LOL’d! I loved him for his honesty, but this is 2014 and I am not going to have sex with anyone I have not met yet. I told him I am sorry I wasted his time and that he should move on. He was cool about it and thats all I could as for.

This other messaged me last night and out right told me he was “so busy and not ready for anything serious”. I was at a point where I have my steady hook partner and I am not really looking but I will entertain a message just for the sake of this blog. I like to see what will make people tick. So I replied, “thats what everyone in DC says”. And then I asked him what he did for fun, he told me nothing to which I replied, “i find that hard to believe”. At this point I had already told him, “just because I was not looking for anything serious does not mean I was going to hook up with him” I think this was something that made him tick and I could tell. Then I said to him, “I am probably busier than you, but I make a lot of time to do fun things”. Another thing that made him tick!! “I didn’t know that this was a contest, but you’re just a student”. Um no sir!! This is where I laid in on him saying, “no I work full time and go to graduate school and I tutor for a non profit”. He called me a bitch… And I just told him that he isn’t used to a girl with a brain obviously…. So then he started saying I had a chip on my shoulder and that I am the problem and all this other stuff… All because I told him I work and go to school and tutor and that I still have time to do fun stuff. It was hilarious. Because he was mad that I called him an ass. But he forgot the fact that he called me a bitch. I guess he is looking for a bimbo and I clearly do not fit that category. He is mad because game recognize game. I told him, “thank you for giving me material for my blog” and he abruptly blocked me! I love it.

Like I said, right now I am just focusing on me and this new job and the summer coming up. I am seeing where things are going with Napoleon and CREB. That does not mean I will not go out with other people and have fun, but right now I am not looking for anyone else to enjoy my flower. I did go out for drinks on Monday with a Russian personal trainer. He was nice and sweet and JACKED. But its nothing serious. Just drinks and food and good conversation. I do have to say the communication with Napoleon is different, but we will see what is in store for us. If there is anything.

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Case of the EX…

Literally about ten minutes ago (Thursday night) I was having an es change with my ex Napoleon. It started with him asking to see me and me stating over and over again that I can’t just drop everything to see him. So the exchange went in for about a half an hour and he began to get angry. Something I remember about him, when he doesn’t get what he wants, he gets angry. So we exchanged words back and forth. I said things and he said things. He called me and hung up on me and I called him and he hung up on me again. He wasn’t respecting me having something to do that did not involve him. He’s selfish. Kept telling me I was playing games, but I reality he was playing games. After a few texts back and forth I just left it at that and went to bed. My plan of action was to call him the next day and ask if he he realized all the shirty things he was saying. So the next day I called him. But it was weird because he was in the middle of a Caps game and picked up and held a 10 minute conversation with me. In the past he would just text and say he was out, blah blah blah. He said he wanted to meet up. After the caps game he texted me and wanted to meet up. I was exhausted and in bed. But he was persistent but not the same way as the night before. I told him I was not driving to him exhausted, so he paid for a cab for me all the way to DC. I met him and he immediately took my hand and pulled me in close for a kiss. It was strange. He could not and would not stop kissing me. It was cute. We laughed and talked and just headed straight to bed. We made out for a little while and then we started to get down. Multiple times. Napoleon is not a multiple times a night kind of guy, so I was surprised when he was up for it. We had it again at 4am and then again around 6am and before I left his place for work Saturday. It was intimate and not just hook up sex. He held me all night, which is a rare thing. Usually we cuddle for a little bit and retreat to with sides of the California king. But that night he didn’t even like for me to go to the bathroom. Ugh. Confused.

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The thing I like about staying at his place is that I can do as I please. Use what I want and he’s ok with that. The next morning I got up and showered and for ready like I usually do. He’s not bothered by it. He does wish I stay longer though. I try not to. I did linger for a little and we talked about a lot of stuff. I played in his hair and slyly asked him “do all the girls play in his hair”. His response “no, I’m a prude” which caused me to laugh uncomfortably. I don’t believe him. But that hair and those eyes…

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His behavior was different and it confused the shit out of me. Men I know want the “P”, and I get it. But to pay for my cab and get me a car service to get to work the next day is weird. He inquired about my schedule this week and wants to take me to dinner… We will see.

xo LB

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A rather boring post. #sorryimnotsorry

Went on an interview Monday for a position as a marketing assistant at a law firm. Let’s rewind. Last Wednesday I got an email stating this company had received my résumé and cover letter about a month ago and wanted me to move forward and fill out an application they had. The application consisted of formulating a fake tweet, constructing a blog post, and giving some constructive criticism about their website. I submitted the application the next day and got a call back on Friday and scheduled the interview for this past Monday. This is something I really want to do! I was super nervous about the interview and I’m afraid I came off as a stupid person. But I’m usually a charmer in my interviews. The past few jobs I’ve gotten, I’ve been offered the job right away. I was told I had to wait til the end of the week… Ugh. I’m going crazy. I really need this! This would be a push in the right direction for my career. All I can do is hope that God is on my side. So far he’s answers some prayers and has shown me the light in many different ways. If I don’t get it I’ll just have to apply myself in other places. No biggie! (I’m just telling myself that). So all my followers, please wish me luck!

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OkCupid vs. Tinder vs. Hinge

I have been in OkCupid for like two or three years. I’ve met a couple good guys in there. The Dean for one. And I find OkCupid to be ok. You have your profile you write stuff and people message you. Most of the time the people who message you don’t even take the time to read what you wrote. And it’s depressing. Now in order to see who may like you, you have to pay money. No thanks. The good thing about OKCupid is that you know someone’s intentions before you go in a date. Meaning, you know if they’re serious or not.

At first I thought Tinder was a “hook up” app. Where would just go in there to hook up. That may the case for some people but not for all. The beat thing about Tinder is the minimalistic profile. I didn’t have to hurt my fingers writing a lengthy story about what I want and what I don’t want. And there’s a few pictures taken from your Facebook profile. Great I didn’t have to find cute pictures of myself. So the person would have to aka questions to get to know you. The other good thing is, creeps can’t be creeps. Meaning, they can’t message you without both of you liking each other. So if that hot guy you slid to the right is digging you, you can’t expect to get a message from him or send him one since the feeling is mutual. The hard parts are cut out for you. The only bad thing is that most people are only there for a hook up. Also I noticed that some of the same people show up again. Has anyone else noticed that?

Now Hinge is trying to be like Tinder. It’s not quite there yet. Plus there’s this thing about inviting friends from Facebook and getting a score or level. First of all why would I want all my Facebook friends knowing I’m online dating? What is this about a level and a score. Then you only get 8 matches a day or something like that… Why are you limiting my matches?! Most of the time when you match with someone you don’t even get a message. So it’s a big waste of time. I only downloaded it because my favorite PR firm suggested it (Small Girls PR). They need to do better. Because I want to delete it.

I’m not even going to talk about POF. It’s a waste and creep/troll central.

xo LaBreaB

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Please don’t tell me what I’m studying! Also, this isn’t an interview…

Often when I meet people and men and I tell them what I’m studying in school and what I’m getting my masters in, they seem to act like they know what it is and try and tell me what I’m actually studying. So let’s cut to guy on Tinder. Asked me all the usual questions, the getting to know you kind. So I told him I was studying Linguistics. He goes “what language are you studying”. No my first reaction would have been to say “google linguistics and get back to me” but I’m trying to be positive and what during Lent. So I said “I’m not studying any ONE language. I’m studying how language works in general”. Because if I was studying French I would say I’m studying French! So he goes, “well my job in the army was… And it was called linguistics” my response “yea that a common misconception people have”. Then he goes on to tell me what he thinks it’s about trying to prove me, the person so close to actually having their masters in it, wrong. Right! I hate that stuff. If you don’t know something just say you don’t know it and ask questions about it. Don’t assume you know about it when you don’t and then try and argue your point across to someone who actually does.

The other thing they do to annoy me is try and pull up all these really stupid articles written by non linguists about linguistics topics… Dude, give it up!! If I wanted more reading material I would go study.

Another thing that annoys me is the question about what I’m going to do with the degree. If I haven’t been on a date with you yet, I feel like these questions are not going to get you a date. Period. This is not an interview so stop asking me interview like questions. It’s frustrating. Beyond frustrating.

Before the date, I feel like one should ask light hearted questions. Like “where are you from”, “what’s your favorite food”,etc. that way you know enough about them when you actually go on the first date. Leave the important questions to the first date or the second date, when you actually comfortable with the person. Maybe that’s just me.

xo LaBreaB

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My dates with the police officer.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been sock and extremely busy. Since I’m not working a “full-time” job I have found a part time job to help supplement my income with my research assistant job. That’s for another post. Just wanted to briefly update y’all in my absence. I see that I’ve gained some followers and I could not be happier!

So anyway, on to the good shit. So two Mondays ago I went out with the Police Officer. He picked me up after court and we went to a Tex-Mex restaurant near my house. I was hung over from the night before so it was a struggle (that story is for another post). We had great conversation and after lunch we decided to go to the movies. We saw some movie I would never see but it was ok. Then, I realized it was rush hour and didn’t want to send him home stuck in traffic so I offered to take him to happy hour at Buffalo Wild Wings. We had wings and massive ciders. And this massive dessert nachos.

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They were so good! But I felt like a fat ass after eating them. It was great. I was myself. My weird self around him.

Cut to this Sunday past. We went out on another date. We went to his neck of the woods, Arlington. We went to Bon Chon, which is a Korean wings place and it was delicious.

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Like so good! There I got a little tipsy and very talky. After two whiskey gingers, who wouldn’t be tipsy and turn into a conversationalist. His house was around the corner, surprise surprise. So we went to his place and he have me more wine. He had a very minimal place. Typical of a guys guy. Of course I did my usual inspection of the place to see if someone left anything behind or if there was a presence of another female. Ladies have been saying they didn’t know their guy was cheating because they’ve been to the guys place. Well I think they need to do a better job of being observant and seeing if there’s a presence. Anyway. So he was cool with me checking it out. I was upfront with him about my intentions and he laughed. He seems innocent enough. We drank wine and I tried to get him to watch Girls. Then he leaned over and kissed me. I wasn’t expecting it. Not at all. So we kissed for a little and he lead me to his room. Now I hadn’t prepared to do anything with this guy so I wasn’t all the way groomed down there. Which didn’t hit me til his face was down there working magic. While he was down there in between breaths, I told him it could not go further. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I’m already sleeping with CREB and that wouldn’t be right. I also got a peak of his member and was disappointed. Nowhere near CREB, not even in the same universe. So he was down there for a while and then it was done. Back to the wine and the Girls. Just as we finished my friends texted me and wanted to get dinner. I was all game and asked him if he wanted to come. He said yea and we for ready and was off. Since we weren’t hungry I figured I would just nibble and drink more. It’s weird that I didn’t even second guess him meeting my friends. It wasn’t a big deal. I warned him that things could get a little weird and he didn’t mind. It was fun. We all talked for a long time, laughed and they asked him questions about his work. I did that thing where I would laugh and lean my head on his shoulder. At the end of the night I was going to have a sleep over with my friends, so we were gonna make plans and rendezvous later. On the way to my house he asked me to stay with him. I didn’t like that he was giving me a time limit. So I refused and didn’t kiss him goodnight. Next day I thought he was mad at me but turned out he was sick and just being unresponsive. He’s not that much of a conversationalist via text or phone when we are not together and that annoys me. I need that conversation or I just going to lose interest. I guess that’s something we could work on. I mean if I decide that this is what I want, that is.

So far another success for Tinder.

xo LB

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Tinder Experiment: Another Update…

This morning I got a message from a guy on Tinder. He is a black guy, around the age of 37 and is a personal trainer. In his very limited profile he says that he is looking for a girl he can work out with and cook and things like that. He also said that he was a very laid back person. So he messaged me at 7am this morning. I message him back. Easy. I asked him if he lived in DC and he said yea that he lived in Alexandria. I am sorry but there is not Alexandria, DC. Thats Virginia. If I had asked if he had live in the DMV area, that answer would have been more acceptable. That is a major strike. DC is DC. You can be from a suburb of DC, which is what they call the surrounding areas of DC, like where I live. But if I ask you if you live in DC and you give me Alexandria, you’re trying to hard and clearly are not from this area. I can always spot someone who is not a native of the DMV are. Thats mostly because most of the people that I meet on these dating sites are not originally from this area, they have sort of implanted themselves here after college. So I politely corrected him and said ” Oh you live in Virginia”.  I asked him if he had plans for tonight so that I could invite him to my friends birthday thing. He told me he was going to Park. That is another strike. I do not go to clubs and do not find gong to Park an enjoyable experience. He then asked me about Opera. Which I told him was the same thing. I then tried to explain to him that I do not go to clubs and that meeting him at those places were not going to happen tonight. He tried to tell me that he did not like to go to clubs either and that his roommate was the one dragging him out… blah blah blah. Heard it all before. We will see. So far he looks good because he is a personal trainer. That is all I know for now. We will see what happens when we actually meet.

xo LaBreaB

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Why I date the way I do.

For a while I haven’t really given thought to why I do not date black men as much, if ever, anymore. All my black guy friends always ask me and I do not have a clear answer. It hit me today one of the main reasons why I do not date black men.  They like to be up in the club and I do not. That may sound like a really stupid reason, but let me explain *in my Kevin Heart voice*. I have nothing against my back men, I wish them the best. But you cannot fault me for my preference in men. I do not just like white men, I like all men. Any man that I find to be attractive is a man I will date. So below I will explain.

First black men are very flashy. White men are flashy too but in very different ways. When I am with a black man I need to be done up to the nines at all times because he wants to show me off as his woman and his woman needs to look a certain way.  I have to keep up with the joneses. White men, yes they are flashy but it is in a different way. They have better houses and cars and worry about their work clothes over their everyday clothes. All the white men that I have dated have nice places to live, nice suits to wear to work, a nice car, and money to travel with. The black men that I have dated have nice cars, nice clothes, and money to spend at the club… and their idea of traveling is going to Miami.

Second the white men that I have dated love me and my natural curls. Black men barely look twice at me. I do not have a fro, my curls are very defined, but since all the video girls have long weaves that is what the want. White men love it when my hair is natural. They call me queen. I am sure there are black men out there that love a woman with natural hair, I do not know where you are so I cannot account for you. But I do know you exist.

White men are not afraid to tell me I am beautiful. Those are the compliments that I have gotten more from white men then I have with black men. I do like to be called sexy but only when we are about to have sex or in some sort of situation like that. All the creep ass messages I get from black men in my inbox on these dating sites are, “damn you sexy” and things like that. Sorry that is not going to get my attention. I would rather be called pretty than that if I do not know you. I do not want to be a “bad bitch” either. 

Lets be real, some black men do not think about the future. Notice how I said SOME. There are a few that do. My white men have been very successful men and have planned for the future. whether they wanted a family or not. They typically came from families and are family oriented men. They invest in the life they want to have. I want something stable and I find stableness with my white men. I do not understand how some of my brothers can think that spending thousands of dollars in the club is going to help their future. I would rather buy a handbag than to spend that amount of money in the club with a thousand people at my table.

Eating pussy has just become very popular to black men. From my experience black men are a little more selfish in the love department. They want their head first before they do anything else. White men do not hold giving head over your head. IF you want to do it, cool, if not, cool.  I mean do not get me wrong all men love to get head, just like all women love to get their lady bits ate out. But they also love to see their women cum first. I am always taken care of in that department. It makes you want to get down on those knees and please your man when they take care of your first. My white men have all been adventurous in the bed. It was a white man who first introduced me to anal and tossed my salad. I have had the kinkiest and best sex with white men. All men cheat do not get me wrong and all men can be players. But at least I do not have to deal with ten baby mothers. Mostly because my white men are willing to help me pay for the things I need in order for me to not get pregnant. 

I do not like going to the club. And black men my age and a couple years ahead, love to go to the club. They like to shout out for their friends and drop big money on bottles of vodka that cost like $20 in the liquor store but be $200 in the club. I like to go to the bar and dance and have a good time without the pressure of having to impress people I do not even know. I get dressed up and shit, but I do not have to get dressed to the nines like when I do go out with my majority black friends. Its less pressure. I am sure I can find black men who are interested in what I like to do. I am not giving up on that. But it is easier to meet white men at the places I do like to go to though. I am not being groped at the bar like I would be in the club. 

For me what it really comes down to is sex and stability. The stability part is what is most important for me. I know with my older white men, if I am out, I know they are not out at all hours trying to pick up girls. They are usually out with their old friends who may be married or in relationships. More of their friends are in relationships which rubs off on them. My old white men like to stay in the house. They are not out every weekend. White men my age could be compared to black men my age. But I do not date men my age in general whether they are white or black or spanish or whatever.  I like to date older men. So maybe this isn’t about white and black, maybe its about older men versus men my own age. I think most of the issues is about men my own age. So if I erase, white vs. black it really does come down to older vs. my age.

I have not given up on my black men. I do still try to go on dates with them. But my priorities are very different. What I like to do is very different so sometimes it is hard to relate. I come from a mixed family. I have whites and blacks in my family. I do not think that just because I am black that I have to date my own race. If I am attracted to a man, then I will date that man.

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