So being in a new “relationship’ is exciting. I have not been in a relationship that makes me giddy like this in a long time. I am doing things that I would not normally do. Dating an older man has its ups and it has its downs. The ups are, that the communication is there. They know how to tell you what they want and do what they say they are going to do. I cannot speak for all older men, but there are some that are like this. They want to talk to you. They call, not text, and want to meet face to face. I like this because in a day like today, all we do is text and email each other and do not spend that much time in actual conversations. He calls me almost everyday and I look for to it. I do not like talking on the phone, but when he calls my heart skips a beat and I want to pick up and answer. I will take the time to call him to let him know that I am thinking about him. I never used to do this. I was always to scared to call. I think this is where me and Napoleon fell short. He like talking on the phone, I like texting. Do not get me wrong, we do text but I do not put a lot of weight into the text messages because I know he’s a grown man and works and cannot be by his phone 24/7 like myself. The downside is, I miss the text flirting that I once had with others… But actual flirting face to face and on the phone is much better than texting.
I actually make efforts to let the guy know that I appreciate him. I do not think I did this with Napoleon. I show so much affection. I am always kissing him and hugging him and doing things like that. Some times, I think that I am annoying him with the amount of affection I give him, but he likes it. I cannot keep my hands off of him and he likes the feeling of being adored. He adores me as well. He makes me breakfast, he asks me if there is anything he can do for me and he just shows genuine care for me. For example, he called me yesterday before my class to wish me luck on my presentation. I brushed it off like “no big deal” but I actual sighed in lust because he did this. It is good to have some one that thinks you’re great besides yourself.
What is going on with me? I have not felt this way for someone in so long that I am starting to get worried that this is not normal! I know that this is the honeymoon stage, but honestly I don’t care. Usually you start to pick out bad qualities in the person you are seeing at this point and just choose to ignore them. I have not come up with any yet. The only thing I think of is, “am I good enough for him”. I am not talking about the racial difference between us, that does not bother me. I am talking more along the lines of how different we are. Him: ivy league football player and conservative. Me: young, wild, unsure of what I want to do with my life, and edgy. Can he handle me edgy? I am myself around him, do not get me wrong, but is myself good enough for him?
Why am I thinking about this too much… just go with the flow i have to often stop and tell myself.
All I know is right now I like him. I like him a lot. All I want to do is go up to him, stand on my tip toes and kiss him. Pull him close and really kiss him. I look forward to our date on friday.