A Week Without Him|Mini Vacation

From the title is seems like the week I had without my sig other was like a mini vacation. Well it wasn’t. It was a miserable week. He was in Pittsburgh for some training thing for work.

I stayed at his place the whole time, of course. I mean I practically live there anyway so why not. I did not sleep as well because I did not have anyone to sleep with and I was scared of all the noises that I would hear.

Then my computer died. Shit began to hit the fan. I was an emotional wreck. Like I stood outside of Best Buy for a good solid 20 minutes because I did not know what to do. All my work is GONE. Just in the middle of me trying to look for a new job. What the fuck am I to do now? I thought about buying a cheap little laptop for the time being, but that would be a waste of money. Especially considering I am going to be getting one anyway. But all the emotions I had been feeling just came out of me. I was angry and sad and wanted to talk to someone but there was no one there to talk to.

I lashed out on my boyfriend. We got into a superficial argument about nothing and it made me feel like and idiot. Where most guys would have left me or said something harsh, he has been there for me and is always willing to help and get to the bottom of things. I am very lucky, I guess. I need to start realizing that I am lucky and start appreciating it more. He loves me.

So he had to come back up to Pittsburgh Monday for some interview. The interview was for a job he wanted, but not in the location he wanted, so he was just going to take the interview as “practice” and come back. When he was getting his flights and stuff I just told him that we should drive. WE SHOULD DRIVE. In and instinct I dropped everything to go with him. So he got the room and the rental and we were set. We were going to take a mini vacation to Pittsburgh. I would be up here doing nothing because I have not computer to work on and nothing else to do. But it feels right to be here with him. To be sharing this little quality time with him.

While I do not like this area and could not see me living in this area, being up here with him is nice. He has been showing me places he used to go to and telling me all about the different histories of places. Its cute.

It is weird that I am sitting here in this hotel room accompanying him on a work thing when in the past if a boyfriend would have asked me to tag along I would have said “No”. But things seem to flow with him. Everything comes easy with him. I guess that is what love is? Maybe?

I do love him though.

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Need to Stop Self-Sabotaging My Relationshiops

It’s almost been a month since my last post. I’ve have often thought about posting, but just haven’t. So much has occurred.

One lovely day me and the beau went for a run with a running group. It seemed nice. He was a little distant, but I just assumed it was because it was right after work and shit. Ignoring his weird mood we went on the run. Again, everything felt ok. Until after the run. After the run, we stretched and he started making dinner. Then all of a sudden, he drops a bomb on me about reading my texts on my iPad.

Let me back track. He texts on his MacBook all the time when he’s using it. I hate syncing my phone and iPad because it’s annoying. But when I got my new iPhone it automatically synced snd I was too lazy to unsync. I went home for a bit to do some stuff and he was left with my iPad.

Back to present. So he says he was “using it” and happened to come across my messages. Right. He told me he say a message where I sent CREB a picture of my boobs (in a bra). Right around his birthday. I didn’t deny it. He said he didn’t know why I did that. And I didn’t either. I guess I wasn’t sure if it was going to be a serious thing. I mean I just wasn’t sure what was going on. I’m a self sabotaging. He told me he wanted to go to Graduate school and there were a few options I liked (close) and the rest were far. He’s going to start studying in January. I didn’t want to get hurt. So I guess I was getting my back up/rebound ready for the inevitable.


We talked about it. Jessie he was doing something he never does, which was talk about his feelings. Mind you, this was right before our trip to NYC, so I didn’t think we would be going.

I asked him if he wanted space to think, but he refused and said he wanted to talk about it and forgive me. I had to make sure to never speak to CREB again. I had to promise he was out of my life completely. Fuck.

I told CREB he had gotten me in trouble and that he can’t talk to me like that because I’m in a relationship. He didn’t care obviously. So I had to block him so that I he would not text me. Then I had to in-sync my iMessages from iPad so that would not happen again.

For the first couple of days things were ok. But he kept looking at my phone whenever it rang or an alert came through. It started to get annoying. I had to sit him down and tell him that if he’s going to forgive me, then he has to forgive me and not punish me. To which he said he would work on.

I’m happy we worked it out. I really do care for him and everything and just need to stop thinking about getting hurt.

So we went to NYC as planned and had a great time. Even had some great love making which resulted in a few burns on my knees.

We have been thinking and talking about the future. It’s weird because for the first time I really really can see myself with him forever (check back in a year or so…). We click on so many levels. We don’t really argue and if we do have a disagreement, I’m not quick to push buttons and hurt him. It’s not about winning for me any more; it’s about making sure we understand why the other is mad or upset and trying to come to an agreement. I guess that means there’s growth on my part? Ha! We talk about when he goes to graduate school what will happen to me and our life. He wants to have kids after he’s done with graduate school and established in his career. I told him that j have a couple years on him and would like to start having kids by 28/29. That’s a late timeline because I figured I would be locked down by some older gent and he would already be well established in his career. Not that my little youngster isn’t in a well paying career right now, he wants to do something on finance for the Giants (San Francisco). I hope he picks a school over here, but wouldn’t mind if he picked s school close to his parents. At least I would have them to keep me company and his dad owns condos and I’m sure he would be able to swing is a place to stay…

He’s already told me that his mom would be hands on if I were pregnant and would be our babysitter; something that is non-negotiable, but I’m not fighting it either. It’s weird how things work. It’s frighteningly weird.

Love that boy.

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I Think I Broke It

We’ve been having lots and lots of relations. I mean ALL THE TIME!! I can’t help it. He’s so damn handsome. So sexy. Those dimples always get me. So I’m always ready to pounce on him.

One night hanging out with his friends, we got it on in the bathroom. In. A. Public. Bathroom. Like it was nothing. I think that’s the best part about being in a relationship. Besides all the lovey dovey shit.

But I think he have been doing it too much because he has told me to stop. That his little man cannot take it anymore. That’s a good fucking feeling. I’m sad he’s out of commission for a while, but I know I’m putting it down right.

So no love making for me for a while.

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In Relationship Land

I haven’t had time to write anything because I’ve been trapped in relationship land.

I’ve been enjoying it. I’ve taken in this role as a girlfriend and I kind of like it. It’s been a whirlwind. And I find myself staying at his place more than my own. I’m like this domestic little bitch, and even considered becoming a stay at home girlfriend. Yes, you’ve read that right. Or maybe working from home 100% of the time. I enjoy cleaning and doing the laundry and all that jazz. Still not a fan of cooking, but he loves to cook so it’s a nice trade. Today, I cleaned the bathroom and bought candles to make his place smell like heaven. Who am I?

I never thought I would be in this situation where I’m someone’s girlfriend. For a long time I thought I would be the “Samantha” of my group of friends. I wasn’t looking for this, and neither was he.

There’s something that pulls us together. Something that makes us want to spend every waking moment with each other. Like, I literally miss him the second I’m at work.

He’s so sweet and attentive. We’ve had discussions, but no fights yet. He’s very caring and not afraid to show it. Did I mention he’s a good cook? Oh and the sex is hot. I mean, I already have an amazing sex drive, but he just makes me feel super sexy and want to jump his bones all the time. He makes me cum all the time. No one has made me cum as much as him.

I can’t stop looking at him and admiring him. His body, his face, his overall being. He makes me happy.

The only drawback is that he has this friend that he has known for 5 years. That’s a king time, right? You would think that being friends with someone that long, you would be really close with that person. This friend is a girl. And she’s been trying to invite him out and stuff, especially for his birthday, but he hasn’t told her he had a girlfriend. I’m annoyed by this because all the important people in my life know that I’m locked down. He keeps saying that he doesn’t have that type of relationship with her where they share things like that… I get it, but this bitch is trying to make reservations for his birthday. You would think he would be like, “oh yea I would be down for dinner, is it cool if my gf come along”. I mean, that would be my reaction. We have discussions about this, but I still just don’t get it. Ah, well.

Other than being all wrapped up in love, I’ve been working like a Jamaican. Trying to build a portfolio so I can be an independent contractor full time.

I’ll try not to stay away for long periods of time again.

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Sunday Funday

I’m up eating tortilla chips and working… Well taking a break from doing work to get some blogging in.

I do not know what I am doing. I know that I am happy in this fresh and new relationship. So happy that I have not taken my “unhappy” medication. Could this be dangerous? I have talked to my doc about weening me off of the medication, but she says that since my dosage is so low, that we could keep it where it is and I should be fine. To be honest, I do not think I have taken it in a couple of weeks. I have been good. My mood has been stable and constant. I do fear that I will fall down into a state similar to the one that I had earlier this year. I know I should not be fucking around with my medication, but I’ve been good.

I have been staying at his place for a two weeks. I have not been home in a long time. Like staying away from him for long periods of time. I just do not want to stay away from him and he doesn’t want that either. No, I do not plan on living with him right now because I am in the process of moving to my own condo. I feel like even if I move into my own condo I will be always at his house. He even said I could use his second set of keys…

I could, clean and whatever else a girlfriend is supposed to do, and I have no objections. He has tamed me fully. I cooked breakfast and lunch without even thinking about it, without him even asking. WITHOUT OBJECTING. WHO AM I?! I mean it does feel good, but it also feels weird.

Today on this Sunday Funday he is going to cook me some breakfast and we are going to watch the Steelers play at some bar. I will probably bring a book and some work to work on, but I generally like football.

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I’m slowly giving in. (Sept 8th)

This guy is slowly making me give in. I cannot help it. He’s too sweet and the sex is amazing.

I find myself being all mushy and wanting to just let myself get into a relationship with him.


Let me back track. I wrote this originally on the 8th, then saved it as a draft. Then I forgot about it and never finished it. I have been living in LA LA Land, and I am not opposed to it. I kind of like it.

So me and this bear cub were exclusive on the 1st of September, and then by Friday the 10th, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. And I said yes.

Now, I was not one for a relationship. The single life suited me just fine and I loved documenting it here. But then, something happened and I guess I met the only person who could tame me. He’s amazing. I like spending time with him. We both were not looking for a relationship and now here we are.

We had some connection, something was pulling us together. Now I’m spending so much time with him and he loves it. What has happened to me? Oh well I guess I will go with the flow and see where things go…


The hardest part of this is telling the others that I am now off the market… AHHHHH

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Nymphomaniac Volumes I & II (Sept 1st)




So I spent my Labor Day relaxing. Mostly because I had an intense work out and my muscles hurt and because it’s so hot outside.

So I woke up and immediately turned on Nymphomaniac. It’s been sitting in my queue for some time and today was just the perfect occasion to watch it. And I watched all three hours of it. Loved it. I heard all the sex scenes that are not simulated were real.

Anyway watching those movies have really gotten me thinking. Thinking about me and my own conquests and what shit like that. I do not think I’m a nymphomaniac, or sex addict, but I guess I like sex just as much as the next lady. She didn’t want to fall in love in the movie and here I am, I don’t want to have a boyfriend. But she ends up falling in love and I find myself in a similar situation (minus the love).

Alpha Cub/San Fran asked me to be exclusive. Yes, you read that correctly. He asked me to be exclusive on Friday. I mean, he’s grown on me. In the short time I’ve known him, I’ve come really impressed with him and his ability to win me over.

He got all in his feelings and told me how he felt.




I couldn’t resist. Maybe I do want a boyfriend. I’ve been single for a while; maybe it’s time. Exclusivity first and then down the road a relationship.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I crumbling? Someone bitch slap me to wake up.

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I Have Been Underestimating Younger Guys

In a post last week, I talked about guy that I met IRL.

Well we went on a pseudo date on Wednesday; just happy hour and dinner. We walked around DC some and stopped at Ben’s Next Door. It was great. I did not have to do much on Thursday, so it was fine.

Fast forward to Friday. On Thursday I stopped by my house and picked up a dress that I have had for two years and haven’t worn; a little black dress. This was going to be the perfect time to where it. He picked me up and we went to Chez Billy. Chez Billy is a classy place and it was very intimate. This guy really impressed me for some reason. So being that I thought he was my age I was not sure if he could afford this and I was prepared to chip in. The menu was all in French and he ordered for me, which I thought was cute.

We talked a lot. For some reason I was really vibing with this guy. He was talking about his sister and at one point I asked him how old he was. He tells me 22. I was surprised. He asked if it would be a problem, and at the time I was not sure. But this is what I know about him:

  • He has his own place.
  • He has a nice job.
  • Very attentive.
  • Yummy looking.
  • An Alpha.
  • Very Smart.

He is just a year out of college. But for someone his age, he has a lot going for him. More than people my own age have going for them. So we stopped by his house before we headed to another place. We spent about an hour there, had some drinks, and then headed to U Street since it was so close to his condo. Alero had $5 Tequila, $3 Beer and $6 Tacos, so of course we went there. We danced, drank, and made out.  Like we were those people you see and are like “can they fucking get a room”.  It was borderline sexual. At one point I bit him.

He made the decision to go back to his place. I remember him taking my clothes off and getting it all started. Now I was surprised by his size and the shape of his manhood. He was a nice size and it curved a little; hitting all the right spots and then some. It was wonderful. We took it to the kitchen and then the couch. It went on for hours. After we had sex and multiple orgasms, he went down on me for what seemed hours. PERFECT NIGHT. Of course I stayed over, and he made me breakfast. I didn’t have to ask for breakfast, he just decided to make it for me. And it was a good breakfast at that.

We ended up hanging out a lot this past weekend; went to lunch today; hanging out on Thursday. A little too much if you ask me, but the D is so good.  I thought I was going to have to tell him what I wanted and what to do, but to my surprise he was so good in bed. He was just the right amount of aggressive and kinky.  I kept telling him he was putting some kind of voodoo on me.

I have not been with someone my age or younger in years. Definitely haven’t been with someone younger than me. However, I will never judge a man by his age again… actually I cannot promise that. What trips me out is I have the audacity to talk like I’m a grown ass woman when I am really just 25. My soul is that of a 35 y/o.

I think I have been underestimating the young guys…

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the date with San Fran

So I mentioned in a previous post that I went out for my friend’s birthday. We went to Public Bar and it was a great time. Got approached by three guys and exchanged my contact info with all three of them. Yes, I do think I’m the shit. Do not rain on my parade.

So anyway, while I am trying to make sure the birthday girl is having fun and that she is getting free drinks because, why not. SO here I am trying to hook up other people not really thinking about myself, because I already have a lot on my plate anyway. And the friend of the guy I’m trying to hook up has a very handsome friend who I will call San Fran. We talked and he bought me a couple of beers. It was short, but we exchanged contact information.

We texted a few times at the beginning of the week and me being me; the bold and daring person I can be; asked him to happy hour yesterday after work. At first I did not think he would go for it, but he did. Thankfully because I go through these moods where I do not want to go straight home after work. 

Come to find out, he works not even a block away from my office. I see lunch dates in our future. JK who am I kidding, I do not leave my office for lunch like ever. Knowing that I was going to meet him made me work a little harder and stay all the way until 5 o’clock; something I never do.

Before meeting him though, I was a little apprehensive because he is different from my type. He is roughly around my age ( I have not asked him yet what his exact age is) and he is a little more on the preppy side. I am all types of rough around the edges but can dress however I need to dress. I have tats and I’m pretty sure he does not. But he like me enough to ask me for my digits. Different can me good. He also seems like he would want a girlfriend and for some reason, I get the feeling that I do not want to hurt his feelings. He is a nice guy all the way. Nicer than Southerner.

We meet outside my building and we head up to Dupont. I take him to my favorite spot, Sign of the Whale and we get some drinks and talk. I mean we talk about everything. I learned that he is originally from San Francisco (hence the name); went to school at U Pitt; works in finance with PNC; went to a French immersion school until 8th grade and then a Jesuit school after that; lived in a small condo, etc. I also learned that he has only been here for about three weeks. Yes, THREE whole damn weeks. He is literally FRESH MEAT and I am the first girl that will corrupt him show him around. We took our happy hour to U Street. We walked and talked, it was great. Showed him some cool places. 

Then we settled on going to Ben’s Next Door. We got chicken wings and mambo sauce with sweet potato fries. And more drinks of course. He was a gentleman. I assume he is mixed because he showed me a picture of his sister and she looked white. I could be wrong. I have not asked that yet. Like he was really into our conversation and I feel like I talked a lot. I mean, A LOT. NON-STOP. He did not seem to mind.

We both like sports, nerdy things like reading, taking it easy on the weekends and drinking exploring


This guy though, I feel like I do not want to have on my roster. I feel like that would be too cruel to have him on my roster because he seems like such a nice guy. I think, and I do not want to say this, he could be potential material for a boyfriend. If he does prove to be such, I will drag out our dating period for as long as possible. I mean whatever time will tell and I am in no rush for time to tell me anything. I am having fun.


So many men, so little time.

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…why do men come back pt. 2

Then there was Luke. The guy I would rebound with and see in between dating other people.

Well I posted that he had kicked my to the curb after I had asked him to be apart of a threesome with me and CREB. He thought that CREB’s ways were too degrading. In actuality, he got in his feelings. We argued via text for a little bit and then communication was cut off. That was back in March.

This fool has been texting me randomly asking me how I have been all that stuff and sometimes I have been drunk and engaged. But the one time I was sober and he started in all how he missed me and how cool of a person I was and all that; I just told him that I was not interested. Like how you gonna kick me to the curb over some bullshit and then try and come back. Stay in you lane sir! I do not have time for him. I have too many other options right now and he is annoying.

Politely I told him that I was seeing someone; which took him for a loop; and he said maybe we can be friends and stay in contact. Whatever. But I calmly let him know that, “yea we can be friends but I am NOT interested in having sex with you anymore”. That ship has sailed all around the world and back again.

Why was he even trying to come back? Maybe he hasn’t found any new chicks to bone on the regular from time to time. That is not my problem.

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